7 Deadly Sins: Lust

Today's second last instalment of the 7 Deadly Sins series we did is Lust. What a powerful sin, and a gorgeous lady to represent this sin. I feel as though she channelled a bit of "Maude" from 'The Big Lebowski' in her style and look, and really took this sin to the next level. Hair and Make-up by the rock star Katt Panic! Read what Lust is all about below:

Lust

To yearn, desire, or long for. A hunger or ache for something felt deeply in ones body. An intense desire or craving, often referring to sex.

There are many ways in which a woman can lust, experiencing the powerful want for sex, knowledge, or power. The idea of lust brings with it the shadow of shame, the need for secrecy, the inability to openly express itself – no matter what we are lusting after. For women to lust after anything is unseemly, vulgar, lacking restraint. For aren’t we the selfless ones, the providers? If not us, then who? Who will sacrifice their needs for the sake of someone else, if not us? Who will push down their own desires, their own wants and cravings, in order to please? Surely it must be us.

To hell with it. 

Challenging Patriarchal Values

Let’s talk about values and value. In a picture-perfect patriarchal palace, our role as women is to give and gratify. We are valued for these qualities. It would absolutely disrupt the flow if someone discovered that women also need to take and be gratified.

We are valued for our purity – once we have been ‘used’ we are worthless, after all nobody wants a chewed piece of gum. Victims of sexual assault and abuse have had to deal with not only the physical trauma and psychological effects of their abuse, but also the lingering feelings of worthlessness. Growing up, many girls and young women have to deal with the slut shaming and harassment that comes from a first sexual encounter, with the added insult of their male partners gathering high fives.

Your worth is not based on who has been in your pants, no matter how they got there. You are worthy and valuable. Whether you have been an unwilling victim or an enthusiastic partner, your worth is not determined by your hymen.

Slut-shaming is often so internalized in girls and young women that they learn that if they are attacked, it was their fault somehow – they were asking for it, they led someone on, they should have tried to be safer, somehow it was up to them. This then perpetuates rape culture because it is up to us to defend our purity, that bright and noble star that gives us value to others. Victims of assault and abuse are not broken, empty, or worthless. They are whole people who have been the target of a crime.

Your worth is not determined by the number of partners you have had or not had. Patriarchal systems also put pressure on men to behave in a hyper-masculine way, gathering sexual conquests and hardening their hearts. Guys, if you don’t want to, you don’t have to – your worth is not determined by your bedpost notches. Oh and um, please don’t rape us. Because despite what you have been taught, you actually are in complete control of your actions.

Sluts and Standards

There is this idea floating around that a woman who enjoys frequent sex will have sex with anyone, regardless of the situation or perspective partner. This needs to stop. Not only does it perpetuate rape culture, it also ignores the fact that women can be discerning in their partners – that they have power to choose.

Not wanting to be intimate with someone doesn’t always earn you the ‘slut’ label, but it’s impressive how fast it can make you a ‘bitch’ when you move against that ‘pleasing, providing’ programming. I’m sure that any woman reading this will be able to recount an experience when an interested dude went from sweet to sour in a heartbeat, after being politely turned down. Perusing Bye Felipe’s Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook pages will fill you in if you think this isn’t a real thing.

There is a lot of discussion around the power of the word ‘slut’ and whether women can or should move to reclaim it. ‘Slut’ has been used so negatively against women that some say trying to use it in an empowering way it would give critics and abusers more ammunition, rather than giving women more power.

Defined, the derogatory noun ‘slut’ is a woman (only us? Hm…) who has many casual sexual partners. In more dated terms, it referred to a woman (we’re so special) with low standards of cleanliness, but has also been used in literature to describe filthy, unkempt individuals of any gender. Urban Dictionary provides the more humorous definition as ‘a woman with the morals of a man’ – interesting, although we should be careful about using the word ‘morals’ in place of ‘social and societal programming’, which is more appropriate.

We just want to our power to choose to be acknowledged and respected.  

Lust on the Spectrum

I have been told often and from many different sources that my job, my purpose in life, is to wait for my One True Love, marry Him, and spend the rest of my life delivering babies to honour Him.

That’s just not how it works for everyone. For some people that is absolutely their goal, and power to them! Go for your goals! They are yours and yours alone, and you are not hurting anyone by pursuing them. But don’t push your goals onto others, they have their own, thank you very much.

Don’t tell that friend, who is about to marry her long time girlfriend, that she shouldn’t have loving, faithful, monogamous, mind-blowing sex with someone who isn’t a man. That’s not how she rolls, and it’s really none of your business.

Don’t tell that neighbour, who has zero interest in sex with anyone at all, that he really needs to get his numbers up. All he really lusts after are new rims for his car – that’s what he wants and he’s gonna go get it. He doesn’t want your help ‘landing chicks’.

Don’t think of that woman in the bar as a lesser being – she can make out with a different guy every weekend if she wants to. Hell she can make out with a different person as often as she wants to, day or night, and it is not up to you to judge her choice.

There are so many different ways to lust, and it isn’t up to us or anyone else to decide what is best. As long as everybody is a willing participant - you do you. Or him. Or her. Or them. Or not. It’s your choice.

Desire and Identity

Your ability to achieve goals is not affected by your desire to have casual sex with enthusiastic partners whom you deem attractive.

Your desire for and enjoyment of sex is not result of a lack of self control – you know what you want and you know how to get it. It is not a result of being self-absorbed either, you can be a caring, giving, and loving person who happens to really enjoy sex!

The obsession over purity and innocence leads to so much backlash against women who pursue power, knowledge, status, and yes, sex. We are trained from an early age that we shouldn’t have these things, they belong to someone else, much like we do. It is time to take ourselves back and claim ownership over our desires, our lust, our want for more.

Know what you want, acknowledge your lust – and own it. Respect it, respect others, and their lust too. As long as you aren’t hurting someone, nobody has a right to get in your way.

If you enjoyed todays post, check out our other sins on the blog! Greed, Pride, Gluttony, Envy, & Sloth! Wrath is our last sin and she'll be featured soon!!